Discussion on the optimization strategy of college counselors' heart-to-heart talk with students

: In order to achieve good results, ideological education in colleges and universities must proceed from students' urgent needs and vital interests, and carry out differentiated communication according to specific conditions. Heart-to-heart talk is the direct carrier for counselors to carry out ideological work. For counselors, heart-to-heart talk is the most direct way for counselors to understand students' situation, solve their pain points and enter their hearts. For students, it is the breakthrough, outlet and outlet of students' ideological confusion, learning difficulties and life pain points. The success of students' ideological education is closely related to the strategies and skills used in heart-to-heart talks. Only by integrating love into all aspects of heart-to-heart conversation can we enter the depths of students' hearts. However, there are some incorrect practices in college counselors' heart-to-heart talk at present. This paper discusses this and studies the strategies to optimize the heart-to-heart talk and improve the communication quality of counselors.


Introduction
At present, college counselors are the teachers who directly face and contact students and carry out front-line student work in colleges and universities in China, and their work is complicated and meticulous.Ideological education and psychological counseling for students by university counselors are the top priority in their work.Conversation is the most basic working method and the most widely used method in these jobs [1].Active and effective conversation skills can make conversation more efficient, help counselors to understand students' dynamics more quickly and accurately, master students' situation, solve students' practical problems more pertinently, enhance teachers' and students' feelings, and promote the all-round development of college students.
There are many ways and means for counselors to carry out ideological work, among which heart-to-heart talk is the most direct way and method for counselors to surround, care for and serve students.This requires universities to pay attention to the psychological development of college students in the process of education and teaching, and improve their comprehensive quality by carrying out corresponding psychological education.

Help to enhance emotional communication
Every student, as an independent individual, has his or her distinctive personality and characteristics.Trying to define it by labels or divide it by crowds can only be wishful thinking to simplify complex problems.In order to achieve good results, ideological education in colleges and universities must proceed from students' urgent needs and vital interests, and carry out differentiated communication according to specific conditions.In-depth and sustained heart-to-heart talks with counselors will help to deeply understand the ideological trends, study and life of college students and do a good job in student work with a clear aim; It is helpful to improve the communication and understanding between counselors and students and help students solve ideological, psychological and practical problems; It is helpful to establish a harmonious relationship between teachers and students [2].

Promoting the effective development of ideological work in universities
Heart-to-heart talk is the direct carrier for counselors to carry out ideological work.For counselors, heart-to-heart talk is the most direct way for counselors to understand students' situation, solve their pain points and enter their hearts.For students, it is the breakthrough, outlet and outlet of students' ideological confusion, learning difficulties and life pain points.Improving the quality and effectiveness of counselors' heart-to-heart talks with college students will help to enhance the credibility of ideological work among students and improve the accuracy and effectiveness of ideological work in colleges and universities.

It is helpful to improve the work ability of counselors
A heart-to-heart talk between college counselors and students is conducive to promoting college counselors to have a clearer grasp of students' thoughts in daily life and study, to understand students' psychological state and life troubles, which is conducive to promoting college counselors' work arrangements for students in the future, and to helping college counselors prescribe the right medicine and better deal with problems encountered in their work [3].For counselors, talking with students is a process in which teachers and students exchange ideas, and then understand and influence each other.The way and method of talking are the key factors affecting the effect of talking.Mastering the art of heart-to-heart talk will play an important role in carrying out various management work of college students and promoting their healthy growth.

Inadequate preparation
Before having a heart-to-heart talk with students, counselors should first do a good job of research, have a thorough understanding of the object of heart-to-heart, and find out the personality, hobbies, family background and internal and external reasons for the recent changes in mood and behavior of the object of heart-to-heart, so as to have a well-thought-out plan.The superficial phenomena, such as the reflection of student cadres, lack a grasp of the actual situation, which leads to a lack of self-confidence, and they don't want to talk about it.Counselors must arrange the schedule in advance before talking with students, and set aside a special period of time to avoid being interrupted by phone calls and inquiries.What's more, they have to leave at the beginning of the conversation.This is first of all disrespectful to students and irresponsible for their work.

Lack of conversation skills
Due to various subjective and objective factors in college life, except for student cadres and a small number of students' regular and timely communication with counselors, most students can only enter the attention of counselors if they make big mistakes in their life or study life.At this time, the impact has begun to appear, and even a series of adverse reactions have been caused.At present, the counselor's talk is still dominated by the counselor's indoctrination, which leads to the generation of unequal relations, focusing on the conversation and ignoring the heart-to-heart, which is not conducive to the establishment of a good communication atmosphere [4][5].

The role of heart-to-heart conversation is unclear
The role orientation of heart-to-heart talk, the counselor's main position is outstanding, and the student's main position is still lacking.Ideological education in universities mainly involves educators and educatees.In the actual ideological work, especially in the heart-to-heart conversation between counselors and college students, from the beginning of the conversation to the end of the conversation, counselors' subjective consciousness is very obvious.In order to solve students' problems as soon as possible, counselors are often eager to give solutions and preaching guidance.As for the deep-seated reasons for students' problems, they are often not fully explored, and students' subjective status is still lacking.

Optimization strategies of college counselors' heart-to-heart talks with students
Heart-to-heart talk is the main method and way to solve ideological problems, which consists of two behaviors: heart-to-heart talk and conversation.Both of them use language as a carrier to realize one party's influence on the other.Heart-to-heart talk is usually based on the premise of equal positioning, and mainly exchanges inner thoughts and emotions.Although heart-to-heart talk is different in essence, it is often used as a whole in daily application.In this paper, the optimization strategy of college counselors' heart-to-heart talk with students is shown in Figure 1:

Accurately identify oneself and continuously improve professional abilities and comprehensive literacy
Counselors are grass-roots party workers, an important part of university teachers, the backbone of ideological work in universities, and the leaders and important partners who have the longest contact and the closest relationship with students during their college years.Counselors' personal character and charisma are one of the key factors to cultivate students' growth and success.As the main body of talking with students, counselors need to walk hand in hand with students, which requires counselors to pay attention to the improvement of personal professional ability and comprehensive quality.
First of all, counselors should have noble professional ethics.The essence of counselors' work is to be good life instructors and intimate friends of healthy life on the road of college students' growth and success.They should be counselors with attitude and temperature [6].
Secondly, we should strengthen our own ideals and beliefs and become the correct leader of college students' political and ideological education.Constantly improve the ability innovation of combining theory with practice, be strict with yourself, and always establish a sense of example, so as to be both a highly qualified counselor and a deeply qualified counselor.

Combining heart-to-heart talk with mental health education
Counselors, as front-line teachers of ideological education for students, their comprehensive quality is related to the quality and effect of conversation.Everything they say and do represents the image of teachers and will have an impact on students.Therefore, it is highly necessary to enhance the cultivation of counselors' own qualities: counselors are required to pay attention to training many abilities and qualities such as language expression, two-way communication, problem analysis, scene control, network application, persuasion and principle application [7]; At the same time, they should pay attention to cultivating their meticulous observation and keen perception in their daily work and improve their ability to grasp educational opportunities.
Firstly, educational authorities should unite with schools and increase investment in mental health education.The education department should increase the construction of a team of psychological teaching and research talents, introduce more psychological counselors and counselors, and enrich the psychological health counseling positions in universities.
Secondly, the majority of counselors should try their best to remind themselves of their psychological level, squeeze out time to study more psychological classics, and communicate with professional psychological counseling teachers to learn from them; Only these non-psychological counselors, who are the main part of counselors, realize the importance of mental health education and practice it personally, can heart-to-heart talk and mental health education be truly organically combined.

Close the distance with students and enhance the interaction of conversation
College counselors are organizers, educators and practitioners of daily management and activities of college students.They have the most frequent contact with students during their school days and the most accessible relationship between teachers and students.They are guides and intimate friends of college students' growth path and play an important role in the overall growth of students.In the process of communication with students, university counselors should not be condescending and domineering, which will easily make students feel hostile and communication can not be carried out smoothly [8].At the same time, we must be honest with each other, fully understand students' language, emotions and behaviors, help students analyze the reasons and find countermeasures to gain their trust.Only by trusting each other can we achieve the ideal conversation effect.
The dialogue between college counselors and students can proceed smoothly, provided that the counselor obtains the recognition of the students.Counselors should use smiles to shorten the distance with students, use tolerance to resolve the generation gap between teachers and students, and use communication to bring their hearts closer, thus establishing a teacher-friend relationship; We should fully understand students, view problems from their perspective, and get along with them like friends.This approach will make us more and more close to students, which will help us truly achieve the purpose of communication and help students establish the correct outlook on life and values.At the same time, in their interactions with students, counselors also need to interact with them like "friends", become friends with them, care for them in life, and think from their perspective, in order to establish a stable trust relationship.

Diversified ways of communication
In the process of heart-to-heart communication with students, college counselors should pay attention to the actual situation of students and choose diversified communication methods to "suit the remedy to the case", which is more likely to achieve results.For outstanding students and student cadres, the conversation should maintain high standards and requirements; Design thinking pays attention to insight into people's real feelings and needs, focuses on excavating the background and root causes of problems, and then creatively puts forward solutions to problems.It is an innovative thinking method that combines rational analysis that needs to be cultivated through the study of abstract symbols with perceptual intuition that needs to be obtained through real experience [9].
The conversation between counselors and students needs to solve corresponding problems, so it is necessary to start from the conversation goal and pay more attention to the actual needs of special students in the process of conversation.Starting from the needs of students, we can find the motivation for students to move forward through conversation, which can make students' personal goals clear to a great extent.For example, students may need to vent their inner feelings during some conversations.In this case, if counselors can learn listening skills, they will be able to comprehensively enhance the feelings between teachers and students.Therefore, we must fully respect and accept students' personal values in the process of conversation and deal with various problems in listening.
In the process of heart-to-heart talk with students, counselors can tell students what they have seen and experienced, so that the interviewees can be inspired and understand what the teacher said, so that they can have their own understanding and views on the problem, and achieve the purpose of communication between teachers and students and education for students.Counselors or educators should use individual conversation methods to solve individual students' ideological conflicts, while for some students in the collective or those with certain paranoid ideas, collective conversation can be used to solve their problems.Educators need to combine positive educational guidance with positive ideological confrontation to address these issues, and always adhere to the strategy of combining ideological education with psychological counseling.To distinguish the nature, we can't arrange [10] in the same way.For students who are introverted and not good at communicating with others, it is not appropriate to choose the office.Therefore, it is better to choose the place where they are familiar and easy to adapt, such as the dormitory, the road, or the Internet.The emergence of new media platforms such as WeChat and QQ has broken the limitation of time and space, and can also greatly alleviate the psychological pressure and tension brought by face-to-face communication.

Figure 1 :
Figure 1: Optimization strategies of college counselors' heart-to-heart talks with students